I For One Have Had Quite a Break....

Well, the semester ended on 12/16/2011. Cool, right? I get out over a week before Christmas......... Oh wait, I have guard rehearsals that weekend? All day? And I can't stay in my apartment? Awesome. So I packed my bags, and stayed with my wonderful roommate, Melissa, whose family has practically adopted me as another daughter. I survive Saturday and Sunday rehearsals, no problem. I figure, I'll wake up, grab a quick bite to eat, and be on my way. I packed my car, and hugged Melissa, and tell her I'll let her know when I safely make it home. She throws out there, off hand, that if anything happens, just call. She's more than happy to help me out if anything happens. I thank her, but naturally, don't plan on making such a call.

This is the point, when i should have stopped to think...... everything was going smoothly...... TOO smoothly. Nothing ever works this well for me. Naturally, Murphy's Law had to rear it's ugly head. (because, my last name IS Murphy).....

10:30am: I start up my tunes in preparation of the three and a half hour drive to Rochester. I filled my gas tank, and then was off.
10:35: My car starts shaking uncontrollably. So naturally, I pull over.
10:36: I get out of my car, and check my tires. The front one looks fine. the back one is flatter than a pancake.
10:37: I throw a tantrum on the side of the road, because God hates me, and nothing can go right for me.
10:40: I pull out my cell phone, to call my mom, and see what to do.
10:40.5 I throw another tantrum, because my phone is almost dead. Because God REALLY hates me.
10:41: I remember I have a car phone, thanks to buying a Chevy. I call my mom, who proceeds to laugh her ass off. Because she also knows that God hates me, and nothing can go right for me. The conversation went something like this:
Mom: Hello?
Me: Mom, I need help.
Mom: why, what's going on?
Me: I got a flat tire.
Mom: ............................... HaAHAHAHAHAHAHA really?
Me: It's not funny, what do i do?
Mom: (still laughing a bit) uuhh call AAA. And Melissa.
Me: okay, thanks.
Mom: where are you calling from?
Me: the car phone.
Mom: why?
Me: Because my cell phone died.
Mom: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA Figures.
Me: Bye mom. You're a jerk.
Mom: Don't talk to people who "try to help you". the only thing that could make this worse, is you getting murdered by a man with an axe.
Me: Bye mom.

10:43: I then wrote down Melissa's number, before my phone died for good. Also, I was cursing the world.
10:44 I called onstar for roadside assistance. They said it would be about 45 minutes before someone would show up.
Awesome. Did I mention it was cold as fuck outside? and windy as hell? No? Well, It was. and all i could do was sit in my car, and wait.
10:45: I keep calling Melissa, who NEVER HAS HER PHONE ON HER WHEN I NEED HER.
10:50: I finally get a hold of Melissa, who also laughs at me. She then sets out to pick me up, and also to point and laugh.
11:10: Melissa shows up. And tells me she didn't mean for me to take her up on her offer for help.
11:20: Roadside Assistance finally shows up. and puts my spare on. Meanwhile, Melissa called her dad.
11:25: Melissa starts to lead me to a place to get my tire fixed.
11:45: we finally show up at Dunn Tire, because I had a max speed of 40mph.

So I walk inside, just short of an emotional breakdown. I walk up to the counter, lean over, look at the guy and ask him........ "So, do you guys fix tires?"
Worker: uhh yea, we fix tires, why? (his face looked at me like "are you fucking retarded? you are at dunn TIRE. We know TIRES. I'm pretty sure we fix TIRES")
Me: Because I have a tire in the trunk of my car, which I really hope you can fix.
Worker: okay, let me see it.

I walked him out to my car, while Melissa talked his ear off about how her dad sent us here, and they always bring their cars there, and we took the extra time to drive right to that location. I opened the trunk, and using some form of black magic, bounced the tire 4 times off the ground and decided he could fix it.
Well he did fix it, and he fixed it for free. I went to Melissa's, put the fixed tire on, and was on my way at 1pm.
The moral of the story: learn how to put your own tire on your own car. I could have saved so much time if i had been able to swap my own tire. also, there are still good people in the world, because that guy could have charged me a fortune to fix my tire. But yea, at least I made it home in the end.

It's New Year's Eve...

..... Now that I have pointed out the obvious, I hope everyone has an awesome end to the holidays. I have lots to share, but have had no time to update, but you should know that it involves a flat tire, and white trash at Walmart, not necessarily in the same post. Happy new year!

EDIT!! This Sketchy Looking Statue

Okay, when I walk across campus, I usually cut through the church parking lot instead of walking around the campus. I do this more often when it is raining, like today. I have to say, I love walking through the church's pathways, because in the summer, it is very beautiful. However, the scene is ruined by this picture.

Dear God, why is this in front of the church?

I'm sharing this because I need to know that I'm not the only one who thinks this looks like an eternal blowjob that was saved in stone. It's the first thing I think. Not "what a kind roman soldier, giving his cape to a peasant". No, I think "dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty". And then I usually giggle a little to myself, because I have the mentality of a 12 year old boy when it comes to sexual things. And, I had really hope that maybe it was just the angle I saw the statue at, but this picture shows that I was wrong.

Easy does it peasant, I"m sensitive.

So, I guess as long as I attend this school and live across campus from my classes, I will get to snicker at the everlasting blowjob. By the way, I'll get a picture of the front of the statue at some point when it stops raining, when I was going to take the picture, people were giving me funny looks, and I got a little paranoid.

EDIT:
Okay So I got a picture from the front, and I'm not sure if it's much better than the others.

Suck it bitch, don't MAKE me shank you! I SAID SUCK IT!!!!

Yeah, I think having a knife the the head of the peasant negates the niceness of covering them in your cloak. And just something I feel the need to point out, I can't tell if the peasant is male of female, but either way the soldier is making a bitch out of them. However, if I was a soldier demanding a blowjob, I would move the knife to the OTHER side of the peasant's face, to make my massive Roman dick more available. Because it's only polite. 

Pandemic

So, last year I was introduced to a game called Pandemic 2. The goal of the game is to kill the world via infection (for those of you who have never heard of it before, you can play it here).  However, I have never beat the game, because Madagascar ALWAYS closed their ports before I could infect the island. Well, today I decided to play again for the first time in month, just for shits and giggles. So I made my infection (a parasite called Fuckitis, which is funny cause it looks almost like fuck tits), and started in New Zealand. I laid low, and made my infection as invisible as possible. I sat for about 15 minutes before pausing for my exam. Upon returning, is continued to wait for my disease to grow for at least another 20 minutes. Finally the bug jumped ship to India, and almost the rest of the world. I had almost the entire world, but still Madagascar, Australia, Peru, and Argentina evaded me.
Suddenly:

For those of you who don't see it, see below.

That's right bitches, I took Madagascar. 

Taking Madagascar basically means you are going to win, and the people of the world need to accept their fates, and stop being pussys about it. All I had left was Peru and Argentina, who were just a matter of time.

I may or may not have said "Die for me, Argentina"

Needless to say, I infected the whole world. And then I ramped up the symptoms. That's right those infected no longer just felt nausea, dizziness, and fever. No, They now had dementia, pulmonary edema, insanity, and boils. Since shit had gotten real, and most people couldn't handle it, the world quickly dies off, until only China was left.

Because, honestly, there are just THAT MANY people in China.

The population steadily dropped (because they kept killing off their daughters, so there were clearly only dudes left)

Like I said, I'm sure these were the last two dudes on earth. I like to think they had a brotherly moment.

Finally, my last two china-men, probably coughing up their lungs, and vomiting up their souls, died, aaaaand:

"Congrats, you just wasted an hour killing fake people!"

I'm not saying that i'm proud of my time wasting, but I DID kill the world with Fuckitis. How many people can say that? Yeah, I'm lame. 

Autumn and I study well

We are studying...... well, I'm on damn you autocorrect, and she is looking up increasingly disturbing sex toys. The stuff Autumn is finding just keeps getting worse. I just need to know, why would anyone need a 18 inch dildo? In all seriousness, why would you want your ass to be that loose? Wouldn't you be worried that you would shit your pants all the time? I will close this post by informing you that Autumn just found a site that sells dolphin vaginas. Have fun with that image, I'm going to go bleach my eyes now.

I am Losing My Mind.

Finals week is only just starting, and I only have 1 exam tomorrow, but i still feel the need to distract my roommate. How, might you ask? Whenever she talks to me, I respond with an awful dinosaur-like sound. We can now not stop laughing, and she still has lots of studying for tomorrow.

Just Something I Need to Say

Is there anything worse then having to go to a freezing bathroom to pee? Seriously, the cold makes it next to impossible to urinate, it feels like I may be peeing an icicle.